PLEASE READ THESE TERMS:Y Tuesday, August 24, 2004Y
1:18 am
Lived to tell abt one of the rocking Fridays eva....'twas Masala Mix at Metros & the whole Indian population of Perth was there to set the place on fire with DJ Rishi! Us Merr-Dawg hunnies were dressed to the nines & in true desi style, everyone was soaking in an alcoholic euphoria on arrival! Desi Diva fashion was at its epitome & in this scribe's drunken state, she attempted to zone in on the good, the bad and the plain blah! Read on to see the night in this roving reporter's hazy eyes....
**Its tough scoring a hot man nowadays, complain all my single sisters. And the way to do it is apparently to show lots of skin-the more dermis on show the merrier-(P.S: this theory remains unproven for those of us with some extra padding [READ: FAT] )Yes..my dear lovelies, forget them threads that are weaved into actual clothes....you've gotta wear the thread...yep, thread (as in string) is definitely gonna catch that greek god's eye. And not any bits of ole' thread from last year's fraying jumper...its gotta be the authenthic MNG or what-have-u label prominently peeking out from the most strategic location...usually something deep, valley-like and surrounded by two mounds of beautifully shaped flesh- go figure.
**In case ur thinking u could get away with wearing that sexy pair of jeans that hugs ur *big* ;) arse in the most inviting way, u may wanna consider a view from a self-confessed male 'fashionista' (Assume haughty tone: "..Jeans are not suitable 4 clubbing, especially for women")Hang on a minute..I am almost exclusively partial to my very blue-collar choice of club-wear, but then again, my man digs the working class, so I'm pretty relieved. As fer those of u who deign to give a man even 2 cents, hurry...I heard Portmans is having a sale for tightt-ass white pants!
**Wear lotsa chunky accessories....see, the point is... in case the sound system blows and there's no muzzakk....well, all them divas would just hafta get together and clang their heads to the imaginary beat of some bhale bhale tune....definitely not a problem if ur Indian, yes babe...u were born to dance! Think abt it- we desi gurls defy all rules of subtlety and wear 3 kg of earrings on each ear...i reckon in the not to distant future, them danglers/dazzlers will have little cymbals/bells/drums/guitars attached to them...watch this space!
**Hair must be long and rebonded. 99.95% of womyn that night had long flowing locks as a result of drenching the hair in a potion of hair wax, mousse, gel et al and then deep frying it with at least 60 minutes worth of styling. Was shocked to notice that a couple of guys are jumping on the rebonded bandwagon as well. The best head of hair (fer both male & female categories...yup folks, we had to lump the sexes together as we ran out of sponsorhip moolah) was a toss up b/w a certain Mr X...very original sumo-esque rebonded styled "indian mandeh"wannabe and a Uncle Ramu (yes, yes...both males!) fluffy big hair type who was togged in a checked shirt & carrot cut pants (gosh..they must be still producing those in some remote village in India). Of course, this years Hair Award (courtesy of the John Frieda Institute of Frizz Control) goes out to our very own mandeh in the making: Mr X. In case u happen to be Mr X, gimme a buzz and I'll send out to u ur prize: a dazzling toupe made of authenthic ostrich hairs.
**Dance like no one's watching!.....Yep, u havent lived the life of an It Girl if:
1) U havent fallen smack flat on the dance floor while trying out that acrobatic maneuvere Svetlana Khorkina was sweating in the Olympics to do
2) You squirm when ur dancing with girls, prefering instead to crane ur neck at an unfashionable angle so u can catch some idiotic male's attention (yes, there are some sorry folk who wail "but i can only dance with a guyyy, if I dance with girrlls all the guyyys will think i'm a lesbiannn")
3) And the true test of an It Girl: Having hit the dance floor mentioned in 1) ....u continue lying there while contorting to MJ's moonwalk -'cept u'll be doin the BodyWalk(Ref:Thriller Video, circa 1983).....by this time, there are bound to be some eager males who would be oh-so-willing to rescue u :))))
4) If all else fails, sure u'll have a few scraps...but seriously, hickeys are so passe....nowadays, we are impressed by the real violence...so go on...mop the floor with that bod babe!
All those who bhangra'ed that night...it was $15/$20 well spent! To all of u who missed Masala Mix, well there's always next semester!
