PLEASE READ THESE TERMS:
And ice cream.
Unfortunately, reality zaps as I figure out how I'm gonna tackle 3 finals in 4 days and come up with a strategic plan that will see me (hopefully) producing some seriously defying grades in 2 weeks of somewhat persistent studying.
Yup, am getting with the program minnows...its hammer time..
Heh..heh..
When did it start becoming so wrong? I keep playing memories like an old movie in my mind....searching, analyzing...WHen did the festering rot set in? How did youthful exuberance give way to a cold, hard, icy edge? Why? Where?
In this judgemental unforgiving world, is it possible to pick up the pieces? Are there any pieces to pick up? Or is it just too mangled beyond description? Like a lump of nothingness.
Anger.
Hate.
Fury.
These are infinitely better than "dont give a damn". Again, nothingness.
Anything is better than nothingness..emptiness goddammit.
Have we drifted too far apart that it is just impossible to say.."to hell with the past, I just want this with u now, and nothing else matters"
I am too tired to fight this feelings. I have resigned to the fact that life is indeed a bitch for some of us, and no amount of sincerity will be able to exorcise the demons.
Did we rush where angels fear to tread?
And getting with the spirit of all things warm and fuzzy (besides my trusty laptop, who[?] on my long lonely cold nights out here in the bush has no doubt warmed the embers of my liver), I've listed my favourite things that u'd just wanna consider stuffing into my overly generous stoking:
*Some (in the range of plus 15 kilos) of premium chocolate gold bars that reeks Greek God if it were well...god. But this confectionery is amazing. Found in a little corner shop located near the "Manneken-Pis" aka statue of the pissing boy in le Brussels (i swear its called just that)its termed magic when an Almond Paradise and master chocolatiers meet. Finely shredded almonds are suspended in white chocolate ganache that has a faint whiff of rum (*cheesy laugh...hehehe*).. The chocolate coating is dark and smooth, ..Just enough bitterness to keep the filling from falling into a diabetic overload. The toasted almonds taste just like toasted almonds (surprise surprise!)... but in this environment they seem to have found their true calling....my mouth....ahh heaven!
*A Poem Pillow!...Transfer some of my favourite poetry (no, NO Plath on this one!)onto an accent pillow, to bring out the bohemian in me. Nice to snuggle up with the LOML to knock the chills off an imaginary crisp winter's night...
I'm getting impatient, so lets get to the one thing that will make me a pret-TY happy camper. Oh, and if ur under 12, or wotever age they officially teach u that the opposite sex is indeed evil, or if ur name begins with a "T" [no hard feelings, but that was the 'letter of the day' on sesame st] please kindly find the close button on ur top right hand corner.
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Well minnows, getting rid of them pesky snot filled minors was easy, no?
Lets get to the business end of things and discuss WHAT i really WANT from Santa Claus ;)
Recommended by a Dr. Laura Berman: The Hitachi Magic Wand is a great choice for novices and the more experienced. Many find the shape reassuring because it could just as easily be a back massager as a vibrator, and the stimulation is quite strong. I often recommend the Magic Wand as a great beginning vibrator.
Yep thats right folks...I want a BACK MASSAGER :))
I've even drafted a thank you note when I receive my ..erm ..gift, courtesy of ur credit card:
Dear XXXX,
Thanks for getting me that massager that really targeted the sore areas and accessed all the "hard-to-reach-places" of my back. Needless to say, my fingers are getting a well deserved break.
My new best friend is always at hand to relieve the pressure like a Shakira tune: whenever, wherever..
4 O's in 4 minutes.
As they say in the McDonald's commercials. "I'm LOVING it!!"
And since we've mentioned Maccers, its only logical to go on to mention in the same vein that "supersize" has taken on a life of its own.
Have a Merry Berry Xmas!
Lest u have an imagination in overdrive, "O" could mean that other sinful stuff...Oreos
Enough to cause a massive aneurysm,...(I hope) so I can postpone the deadline of this buggered assignment.
Related symptoms: Subject displaying unnatural behaviour consistent with sugar highness
Related signs: Half empty 500g bag (hehe...it comes in this rad jumbo size!!) of M&M's strewn strategically across from subject
Diagnosis: Death by Chocolate is imminent
Remember that mysterious burnt car we speculated about, each of us airing a fantastic twist to a juicy ghost story?
How about those times when the olde' faithful cops will pay us a friendly visit to check on our ID's and we'd banter with them ..."sori laa encik.." & proceed to look sheepishly as they threatened to haul us to the nearest "balai" if we didnt pay up...
We'd drive up that hill to share a stolen kiss (coz anywhere else would have been too public)& u'd look up from ur reverie & shake ur head ..amused at Barry giving his gal the most hormonally charged snog ever. After like 12 minutes, they'd surface for air, and we'd all just burst out laughing so hard...
Speed Demons! I'd race u 150-180 kmph on the Jalan Kuching highway...u won that one. But I edged u on Damansara. U were a sore loser...claiming a flat tyre. Pah!
All of u accusing me of being a party-pooper b/c I refused to engage in anything sinful one night. Needless to say, I was mad (and imbecile) enough to make u idiots eat ur words!!
The arguments...passionate & furious-
Satay afterwords at Uphill!
Or Roti Canai at ur favourite waitress's place: ViVi's
And sometimes, u'd force feed me Bah Kut Teh (Ugh!!!)
Those were the days when the total net worth of our group was $12.87 and a borrowed car.
But I loved those balmy nights. Nary a care, we were idealistic & foolish. I know we'd never go back to that. *Sighs wistfully*
'Twas the best of times. Ever.
Hello Hello. In case u numbskulls are not already aware, I'm Helena Hedgehog (but ur not allowed to call me Helena,..its MRS. Hedgehog to YOU) and I'm here in this godforsaken sorry excuse for a city on vac for a week.
That psychotic basket case SeaDragon has been shipped off to some faraway location as she attempts to make a transformation to a sea panther. After her failed attempt at bollywood, she's convinced she should be given an "extra" bit role in "shark tale". (And u sorry humans read her sloppy blog...ur even sadder than she is, minnows!)
Thus, am here to make ur devastatingly mundane life more pathetic..starting with my stuffy pommie accent.
U see, although I was born right next to where the Beatles (not the stuff I eat) but the stuff ur Mommies would sure have loved to (!!) grew up & fornicated & made some headlining music on the side...thats Liverpool no less, my youthful reverie was cut short when the old people (thats me folks) decided I was getting too fucked in the head (I sported a feral mullet back then,.. which effectively banished me from social functions) & shipped me as a mail-order bride (via FedEx...I flew first class) to peachy Malaysia.
Well...thats what me & my peripatetic (I know ur dumb enough not to know the meaning of THAT word minnows....and I'm not gonna bother telling u either) existence have been up to.
As stated I am, as far as I know the world's only travelling hedgehog, well the husband & me that is. Both myself & Mr.Hedgie - not pictured (he's the one taking the photos, that's why they are so bad!...) have been cruising the globe for five years now leaving our home in Gay Hell (thats KL for u stoopids) for a life on the road - first stop was a twirl at the Taj...Now, dont I look appealing in a sexually charged kinda way?
I wasnt squinting u dork! Thats the sun hitting at the fab highlights of my fuzz, thus causing me to smile so widely that my eyes look small-ish. As for my pines, well its all held in under some slick clay stuff courtesy of The Shampoo Shop, New Yawk.
The Mr and me have managed to set our paws on every continent (And each other)..'cept for this place called "Down Under". Herbie (thats the hubby) has some distant cousins (the Wanda Wombats)...and we decided to crash at their place since they live right next to Farmer Jacks & well u know wot that means! Its Beer Beer & more Beer whenever we're frisky enuf to make a mad dash to grab a couple of crates unnoticed. I've come to the unpopular conclusion that its decidedly dodgy drinking something called "Emu Bitter"..I dont do Emus, but Herb guzzles them by the lake-fuls ...he swears that its good for the...ah..erm..muscles..
Anyway, post burying our furry faces in 3762 sausage sizzles, I am looking at revamping this pathethic excuse for a blogspot while that woman is away.
I will let on abt my many travels...I plan to give that Wright boy and his stodgie cronies at Lonely Planet some serious thinking..u watch out Ian, u were but a wee bonnie when I set my paw at sinful SusSEX.
So minnows, it has not always been easy, going on a world trip seems to take forever (despite being able to run fast) as getting on transport can be quite hard (I have had to place Herbie at a strategic corner [preferably under a red light bulb] to turn tricks to make us that $$ to jet about luxuriously...oh god, that brings me to that time when we were at Mexico & Mr Hedgie just couldnt unstuck himself from an over-armorous Senorita Turkeyco..this chick wanted to take me on "Mask of Zorro style" over Herb....Remember that famous scene where Cath Zeta J had a sexy swordfight with that pouty Latino..well, basically I was Antonio and I had no problems carving our Turkey with a giant 'Z'.
Alrite, its my shift to zoom out to get us some toxic shit. Later!
Not anymore.
So welcome to the unveiling of the 'new' me....better, but hopefully not bigger!! If I currently resemble a cow (fellow milk producing mammal which I've previously been compared with), lets just sayI wanna sleeker version-that spanks....*think*...... panthers! Thats it!
Yes, I think I'd love to be a panther.
All dark, smouldering, mysterious & with a delicious hint of danger :P
Reckon the hardest challenge is taking a zen-like approach to things. Yesterday, I did a major clean-up of the system by flushing out some festering angst within me. This hefty heifer is feeling much lighter now.
Yet another gorgeous Sattie in Perth. I love this place. I'm surrounded by love. Life IS good.
See, I told u I'm on my way to becoming a "feline" Zen monk :))))
Spent the afternoon on MSN seething w/anger from discussing news (I wouldnt stoop down to "gossip") with Min. Today's fodder centered around one of my arch-enemies from school...this uber-biatch whom I loathed since I was like 8. Anyways, word has it that Ms Biatch has become Dr Biatch, and surprise surprise...she still hasnt changed one bit even after getting her M B fucking BS.
Nah...its not a case of sour grapes. Dont get me wrong ...I have enormous respect for docs, especially if they're in the profession for the right reasons.
But some of the status-whores whom i grew up with (& that includes this one particularly)..., who paid their way in to foreign medical schools, are no smarter than the nurse who will invariably save their ass when they fuck up and invite a malpractice suit. One of the greatest things I've learnt is debunking the doctor myth......When I left med school, I was at the lowest point. One of my favourite professors explained to me.. "don't buy in to how these people think, no one is better than someone else b/c of their job. U can probably do more to change the world if ur NOT a doctor"....
And she is right.
So, back to this woman, who despite her new found "status"...is still insecure enough to spread vicious lies. I cant believe u still hate me THAT much.
That u would surrender urself to an all time low to bitch abt me.
I'm impressed actually. Have heard hereabouts that ur sleazy orbits have devoured my Seadragon. U've commented abt how "tasteless" it is to be writing for all & sundry to see..but I beg of u dear DOCTOR, what the flying fuck were u doing reading my blog if u see urself as the epitome of all things 'TASTE'>>
i am no angel. i want to declare that, emphatically, right now. i have done many things that i am utterly ashamed of, things which perplex me now. i have hurt people. i have pried. i have nonchalantly filtered through their private lives as if i were trying out for the CIA. i have even read someone's diary..
but i have NEVER,
EVER
taken the information i gleaned, and attempted to destroy someone with it.
So take your hubris and fucking BUGGER yourself with it.