Hedgie has wombat issues!
Originally uploaded by bonefile.

Hello Hello. In case u numbskulls are not already aware, I'm Helena Hedgehog (but ur not allowed to call me Helena,..its MRS. Hedgehog to YOU) and I'm here in this godforsaken sorry excuse for a city on vac for a week.

That psychotic basket case SeaDragon has been shipped off to some faraway location as she attempts to make a transformation to a sea panther. After her failed attempt at bollywood, she's convinced she should be given an "extra" bit role in "shark tale". (And u sorry humans read her sloppy blog...ur even sadder than she is, minnows!)

Thus, am here to make ur devastatingly mundane life more pathetic..starting with my stuffy pommie accent.
U see, although I was born right next to where the Beatles (not the stuff I eat) but the stuff ur Mommies would sure have loved to (!!) grew up & fornicated & made some headlining music on the side...thats Liverpool no less, my youthful reverie was cut short when the old people (thats me folks) decided I was getting too fucked in the head (I sported a feral mullet back then,.. which effectively banished me from social functions) & shipped me as a mail-order bride (via FedEx...I flew first class) to peachy Malaysia.

Well...thats what me & my peripatetic (I know ur dumb enough not to know the meaning of THAT word minnows....and I'm not gonna bother telling u either) existence have been up to.

As stated I am, as far as I know the world's only travelling hedgehog, well the husband & me that is. Both myself & Mr.Hedgie - not pictured (he's the one taking the photos, that's why they are so bad!...) have been cruising the globe for five years now leaving our home in Gay Hell (thats KL for u stoopids) for a life on the road - first stop was a twirl at the Taj...Now, dont I look appealing in a sexually charged kinda way?
I wasnt squinting u dork! Thats the sun hitting at the fab highlights of my fuzz, thus causing me to smile so widely that my eyes look small-ish. As for my pines, well its all held in under some slick clay stuff courtesy of The Shampoo Shop, New Yawk.

The Mr and me have managed to set our paws on every continent (And each other)..'cept for this place called "Down Under". Herbie (thats the hubby) has some distant cousins (the Wanda Wombats)...and we decided to crash at their place since they live right next to Farmer Jacks & well u know wot that means! Its Beer Beer & more Beer whenever we're frisky enuf to make a mad dash to grab a couple of crates unnoticed. I've come to the unpopular conclusion that its decidedly dodgy drinking something called "Emu Bitter"..I dont do Emus, but Herb guzzles them by the lake-fuls ...he swears that its good for the...ah..erm..muscles..

Anyway, post burying our furry faces in 3762 sausage sizzles, I am looking at revamping this pathethic excuse for a blogspot while that woman is away.

I will let on abt my many travels...I plan to give that Wright boy and his stodgie cronies at Lonely Planet some serious thinking..u watch out Ian, u were but a wee bonnie when I set my paw at sinful SusSEX.

So minnows, it has not always been easy, going on a world trip seems to take forever (despite being able to run fast) as getting on transport can be quite hard (I have had to place Herbie at a strategic corner [preferably under a red light bulb] to turn tricks to make us that $$ to jet about luxuriously...oh god, that brings me to that time when we were at Mexico & Mr Hedgie just couldnt unstuck himself from an over-armorous Senorita Turkeyco..this chick wanted to take me on "Mask of Zorro style" over Herb....Remember that famous scene where Cath Zeta J had a sexy swordfight with that pouty Latino..well, basically I was Antonio and I had no problems carving our Turkey with a giant 'Z'.

Alrite, its my shift to zoom out to get us some toxic shit. Later!